I found a man who is God fearing and a truth seeker.Ī man who has the goofiest most dad-joke sense of humor ever. When you hold to your worth and demand nothing less, when you cling to Christ and pray that He reads your hearts desires, and when you let Him take control, he'll prove His perfect plan and providence in unlikely ways. Kinda well thought out huh? Kinda also really long huh? Like there's no way someone could match all of my boyfriend requirements right? Wrong. I stayed quiet when I should have spoken up. I've been on the side that hurts other people, judges them and ignores them, I may not have taken an active roll in the bullying, there were no names being called, but there were cold walls put up, and I did nothing to stop it. With this outlook I realize I've been the bully. For example, icing out that one annoying girl and being rude to people that have done nothing to deserve it is on the spectrum. I also have the perspective now to realize that bullies come on a spectrum. In turn I think being mistreated has given me more compassion for my fellow human. Looking back as an adult I realize the silver lining to being treated like you're disposable, is never forgetting how it makes you feel. She was infinitely important to me in that moment and we're still close today. I was lucky, I had one friend out of that group that realized she had fallen into the "I'm not the one bullying, I'm just a by-standard" trap. I felt isolated, totally vulnerable and worthless. At eighteen the same feeling I had when I was eight came back.
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